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Moss, of the division Bryophyta.

I read smut.  


Shitloads of smut.

Loving Luki Vasquez  - Lou Sylvre Beware the book with flashes of mildly attractive prose and the misguided, blind need to plough through to the end that that engenders (oh though if you plan to finish this anyway, a quick heads-up on Luki's patented cold look: start counting at page 1 and see if you can make it past the #57th mention. I ran out of life energy around then but you can do better! You can!).

It starts out okay: there's a dry, funny first encounter between the two protagonists, the language is entertaining at first, the POV is fairly distinct, and the story starts to establish the characters' connection. Sonny's got a quirky hobby, Luki's hanging around with background emotional issues till the plot gives him something to do, all pretty standard.

The plot starts at about the point where Sonny becomes the target of a hate crime, and Luki discovers it's part of some greater revenge theme and that shadowy forces are at play. Then the similes begin, the world's unsexiest sex scene unfolds and the adjectives take over.


He knew that Luki read his limited experience. Though he'd kept it that way mostly on purpose, now he wished with his whole heart that he'd been a lush, a diva, a perfect slut.


[Luki] laced his strong fingers into Sonny's hair and rose up to meet Sonny's lips in a long, soft kiss, keeping possession of his gaze all the while. "Sweet, so sweet," he whispered. And then, his lips still moving against Sonny's: "You can have my ass."


Then Luki goes hot and cold for Sonny for a few chapters, the language becomes overblown and frankly totally embarassing, the plot tries to thicken but ends up sort of splitting and clumping (the hate crimes continue. Luki gets absolutely ... nowhere trying to solve the bigger mystery), and the author tries to belatedly build Sonny up into a wounded, stoic, loving personality but it comes too late -- too late, author! Because now all I'm thinking about is this:

"I never cry." He tried to smile, to pretend it was a joke.

Sonny turned around to face him. "Yes, Luki," he said, "You do. You're crying most of the time, and everyone knows it but you."

The great reveal ends up having the slimmest possible connection to the story which is usually contraindicated in most mysteries but it hardly matters, because the villain textspeaks, best beloveds. Can you even begin to imagine how happy that made me?

No, you cannot.

Text: Ok. Step away frm th wepns & put ur shorts on, shak r pants out & put them on 2. A FAGGOT is a trrble thing 2 behold, & u need ur shus.


I should also mention that the POV did some very weird things through the course of the story, and it was both a strength and a terrible distraction: there would be blocks of third person narrator, and then a sideways shift to omniscient and back again to third person. The weird thing was that the omniscient voice actually worked better, and it sounded like the author was more confident writing in it. As soon as one of the characters started in, the narrative faltered. It was really those flashes of strong authorial voice that kept me reading, and earned this wreck a second star.

Not especially recommended, but the accidental hilarity made it kind of worth it for me. YMMV.